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I have been doing some cleaning in the house lately, and I stumbled upon this white box on my drawing table which had my father's name on it. I knew exactly what it was, but for the past years, I never had the courage to open it, and browse its contents. Its my father's commemoration album. In it were pictures of my father, some when he was still alive, but mostly of him in his funeral.

When I was younger, I used to be deathly afraid of corpses. I was the one who found my father dead. Not really realizing that my papa died in his sleep, I laid down beside him and tried to wake him up. After a few more tries, I noticed he wasn't breathing, so it all dawned on me. He was dead.

During his memorial viewings, I never dared to look at him, but there was this instance when I saw him lying there in this beautiful white coffin, looking very peaceful. I freaked out.

As I turned each page of the album, I stumbled upon a picture of my father's "best friend", and my mother's golddigger ex-boyfriend. I felt all my anger come back. He nearly ruined what was left of my family, and just took the cash my dad worked hard for. Then on the next page...

It was a picture of my mother beside my father's coffin. She was smiling as if she hadn't lost her husband. I was there when they took that picture. I remembered feeling very angry. How dare she smile like that.. My father's dead for goodness sakes. I remember my dad asking me to ask mom why doesn't she love him... Maybe she really didn't love him. It breaks my heart for my father loved her with all he's got.

In the next page was me saying my eulogy. I was standing not in front, but in the side, for I didn't want to see my dad. I remember people were crying hard while I was talking. They've always told me I resemble my father in most ways possible. I believe them, and I am so ever thankful for that.

Sitting here, words just flowing from my heart onto the screen, I just couldn't deny it anymore. I'm still not over my father's death. I'm not over as to why my mom was smiling in that picture. I'm not over the fact that when I get married, I won't get to have my dad dance with me in the father-daughter dance. I'm not over them, but I don't want to question as to why it all happened.

I miss my daddy. Its been really hard living without a father. Like when I'm walking in the mall, and I see a little girl holding her father's hand, I couldn't help but tear up, and feel envious. I only had 7 years with him. I don't even remember his own voice. Its sad, but life must go on.

I love you Dad.♥

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